Last July, we installed an invisible fence so we could open the front door and let the girls run until their heart's content. They caught on quickly and spent the rest of the summer as happy doggie campers. It worked out well for our sanity, too. If they got rowdy in the house or spent hours barking at a bunny or bird we no longer had to put up with their nonsense. Out they went to play and chase all the bunnies in the world for hours upon end! Winter was even better. We never had to step foot out in the cold to let them do their business. Yes. Things were going very smoothly indeed. Then a fresh summer came along. I am now cursing at that same fence that once restored my sanity. Here's why: 1) Over the past 2 1/2 summers in our house, I have spent hours and hours planting our landscape and getting everything just right. I REFUSE to hire someone. Cone flowers here, tiger lilies here, black-eyed Susans over there...ta-da! Oh, wait....never mind. The dogs dug everything up and ate it. The ones they didn't eat I am still finding strewn about the grass in clumps. 2) How many times do you give your dogs a bath a year? A YEAR?? Not in this house. It's more like 2 or 3 a day. Why? Because we live in the "wilderness." Wild animals, lots of them, come in and crap all over our yard. Bee and Lily think it's fun to play in this crap. On most days they smell like they were playing in a rotting deer carcass, which, by the way, I am certain they would do. Lily, who often gets so excited to find new poo, somehow gets it in her ears. She knows exactly what happens when she does this. How do I know she's aware of the impending bath time? Because she comes inside, hides in the corner, and pees all over. Every time. 3) We have retriever dogs, so naturally, they like to chase things. That part is fine. It's the retrieving part that I'm disgusted by. When Bee was a puppy, she proudly brought me a bird.....with no head. Today, while enjoying a lovely afternoon on the front step with my book, I looked up just in time to see Lily frantically chasing something. Next thing you know, out comes Bee with a chipmunk hanging out of her mouth. Ugh. Now what? I had a hunch she would run away and eat it so I quickly got up and asked her to drop it. She did and to my surprise, it was still as alive as could be...minus a leg or two. First, I called the neighbor that would come over and save it...not home. Next, I called the neighbor that would come over and "take care of it." Instead he told me to smash it with a shovel. Hmm....nope. I left it for K and by the time he got home, it was gone. Who knows what happened to it. Maybe a hawk? Maybe it wriggled away back to it's hole to warn the others of the mean black and white beasts on the surface? Either way, it was gone and K was mad that I didn't smash it. He apologized to Bee for letting her catch get away thanks to Mommy. What will I do if it happens again? Same as usual. Scream obscenities at the top of my lungs, then call all the neighbors to bail me out...unless K is around. Then he can smash away. Gross.
